Today, addiction affects a significant portion of the population. In fact, according to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 48.5 million Americans aged 18 or older qualify as having a substance use disorder or “addiction”. That means almost 1 in 5 U.S. adults is an “addict”. Yet, for most of us, addiction is a thing to be ashamed of. Something to hide. We go to treatment out-of-state and lie about where we’re going, we struggle to tell our friends and family, we feel deep personal shame over our failure to overcome substance abuse on our own. Why?

It’s true that social stigma means that most of us are taught to see addiction as a moral failing. As a personal failing. The shame spiral associated with substance abuse also contributes to substance abuse. You feel ashamed of yourself for continuing to use, which makes you feel bad, which means you continue to use to feel better which creates a vicious cycle, where the shame and guilt drive further substance use, reinforcing the belief that you’re trapped in a never-ending loop of failure. This cycle makes it harder to break free because the underlying emotional pain becomes intertwined with the substance use, fueling both.

How do you break that cycle? How do you restructure your views of addiction as a mental health disorder aided by chemical dependence instead of as a personal moral failing? Everyone works differently so what works for you will be different for someone else, but this article will go over the steps you can take to start that process of letting go of shame and embracing recovery.

Understand the Basics of the Science

Substance Use Disorders are a not a disease (they are not contagious), they are not a personal choice (no one chooses to become addicted). Instead, they are a mental health disorder, classified as a temporary disability under United States law. You can even get temporary disability subsidies while you go into recovery and get treatment.

• Addiction is a behavioral disorder, it’s something that’s gone wrong in your brain that you can fix. It’s not who you are as a person, it’s not a moral failing, it’s a mental health problem that you can treat, manage, and eventually overcome. Do the research and look for it in other places because the more you see it and the more places you see it, the more likely you are to believe it.
• Behavioral disorders affect everyone but people with mental health problems, high levels of stress, and social disadvantage are incredibly vulnerable to addiction. In fact, risks are so predictable that candidates for addiction can be identified using nothing but statistics as much as 10 years before they start using. Substance use disorders are overwhelmingly used to manage negative factors in your life or to escape.
• There’s no quick fix. A behavioral disorder means you’ve built up coping mechanisms that are unhealthy and often at the expense of healthy alternatives or finding things that compensate. The way out is to build healthy coping mechanisms and a stable foundation from which to be happy. That takes time and effort.
• Most people relapse. It doesn’t matter how many times you relapse so long as you go back to being clean and sober afterwards. The goal is to maximize the amount of time you are clean and sober so you can live a happy life. Failing once doesn’t mean failing forever it just means you failed right now. Just like tripping on the stairs might hurt and it might even put you in the hospital, but it doesn’t mean you’re going to trip every time you walk up the stairs.

Acknowledge How Far You’ve Come

If you’re looking up or reading an article about overcoming shame, then you realize you have an addiction, you realize how much it has impacted you and the people around you and you’re actively trying to do better. Acknowledge that. Look at your journey. Write it down if you have to.

One very clear way to see exactly how far you’ve come is to make a daily, weekly, or monthly bar graph. You can add data points like how much money you spent on substances or how much of that substance you used. That will probably show you a clear picture of just how much you’ve reduced or quit substance abuse.

But it’s important to keep in mind that positive achievements like spending time with family, experiencing joy at little things, realizing you’ve grown and make yourself better – made it through therapy – are all important to. Try making a list of all the big realizations you’ve made, all the achievements you’ve made, all the goals you’ve reached. They will make you feel good and like you’re achieving something. Acknowledge all the work you’ve put in and everything you’ve learned. Even if you relapse, you’ll be going back into therapy from a better point than last time, which means you’ll be better equipped to stay in recovery.